All I can Do is Smile


9 Comments

IP Ho!

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Today’s chemo socks and chemo blanket. 🙂

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Would you rather…

… be so constipated that you poop a couple of deer pellets every 4 days or be so nauseous that any position besides horizontal will do?

Tough choice, huh?

Side note: That link does NOT go to a photo of poop, rather a podcast that talks about the Bristol Stool Scale and other interesting poop facts. Since, you know, we talk a lot about poop over here.

This off week hasn’t been the best. The compounding effects of chemo are making themselves known, as always, with nausea. Frustratingly, zofran (my anti-nausea medication of choice) can, and does, cause constipation. I did not consider this when I increased my dosage intake. The marijuana continues to help, but my favorite candy can sometimes leave my head a bit too foggy for my liking. It’s a constant balancing act. And, one with a moving target.

Of course, like a computer that works when the IT guy shows up, after an email exchange with the doc yesterday in which we were considering alternative routes, my body decided it was finally ready to empty.

So, I’m feeling MUCH better today and have had enough energy to putter around the house as well as complete a couple projects for work.

Speaking of work, I CANNOT wait to be back. Truly. We’ve hired a bunch of new people, opened a 2nd office in Austin, and the event season kicks off next month. I’m happy to be completing project-based work while I get through this, but I am anxious to be fully in the mix.

Round 4 starts early next week (Tuesday instead of Wednesday) and I have a few things to look forward to, including a spa day with one of my girlfriends & my BFF coming into town. (Hurray!) That will make the suck of next week sting a little less.

Happy Friday to all, and to all a great weekend!


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Wow.

Well, my “coming out” party on Facebook was an overwhelming success. The outpouring of love and support… I grinned, I laughed, I cried as I read people’s comments. My heart feels so full.

FB-announce

I stared at the blinking cursor of my status update for easily 10 minutes, trying to figure out how to drop the bombshell. How much should I say? What should I say? I chose the blunt approach.

I don’t often say aloud “I have cancer” — in fact, pretty much never — so typing those words hit me hard. It had been a little while since I cried simply for that reason of having cancer. We give so much power to that little word. It’s a scary word. A word that embodies the vast unknown. Yet, that unknown is forcing change in my life; in a different way than when my mother’s passing from cancer forced change and perspective.

Then, I was a 24-year-old clueless semi-adult, just trying to do the best I could. I showed up. I repaired my relationship with my mom and strengthened my relationship with my brother.

This time, there’s space for self-reflection and growth that wasn’t available to me in my early 20s. I’m learning to release control (very slowly but surely). I’m finding calmness and peace when I find myself outside that happy place called my comfort zone.

Yes, I have cancer now. But I won’t for long.


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Halfway Done & Coming Clean

Yesterday completed the 3rd day of my 3rd round of chemo. Woo-freakin’-hoo!

The chemo side effects are noticeably cumulative. Post-cisplatin was the worst I’ve felt of all the rounds. The nausea is overwhelming, even with the medication from my doc and the medical marijuana. I have a follow-up with the doc tomorrow, so I will ask about other options. As far as I know, we’ve only scratched the surface of what’s available to help. The Zofran helps a ton, especially the sublingual (instant) option I have for my midnight feedings. (Post chemo, I’m taking my anti-nausea meds every 4-6 hours 24 hours a day.)

But! I’m feeling better today and that’s what matters.

And, I’m also feeling it’s time to “come out of the cancer closet” on the rest of my social media accounts, particularly Facebook. I find I’m editing myself and I hate that. So, next week, I’m going to make it official. The lines between friends and acquaintances on Facebook is pretty blurry, so I am password-protecting the “Drive Jessica to a Medical Appointment” page. If you need the password, email me.

The end is nigh! It’s all downhill from here.