All I can Do is Smile

Wow.

15 Comments

Well, my “coming out” party on Facebook was an overwhelming success. The outpouring of love and support… I grinned, I laughed, I cried as I read people’s comments. My heart feels so full.

FB-announce

I stared at the blinking cursor of my status update for easily 10 minutes, trying to figure out how to drop the bombshell. How much should I say? What should I say? I chose the blunt approach.

I don’t often say aloud “I have cancer” — in fact, pretty much never — so typing those words hit me hard. It had been a little while since I cried simply for that reason of having cancer. We give so much power to that little word. It’s a scary word. A word that embodies the vast unknown. Yet, that unknown is forcing change in my life; in a different way than when my mother’s passing from cancer forced change and perspective.

Then, I was a 24-year-old clueless semi-adult, just trying to do the best I could. I showed up. I repaired my relationship with my mom and strengthened my relationship with my brother.

This time, there’s space for self-reflection and growth that wasn’t available to me in my early 20s. I’m learning to release control (very slowly but surely). I’m finding calmness and peace when I find myself outside that happy place called my comfort zone.

Yes, I have cancer now. But I won’t for long.

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15 thoughts on “Wow.

  1. Sunshine ! For the first, I really feel compelled to respond ! Very powerful words you just wrote here … Respect Respect my dear ! Big Hug !

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Namaste sister! xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Powerful. Your Shatterproof family loves you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You will beat it Jessica! Stay in that “positive” mode. Thinking of you often. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You sure picked a crappy way to experience new life lessons. 😛 But seriously folks, you are awesome! I am impressed by the wisdom you have found–and will keep finding as you vanquish this stupid cancer. Blue healing energy to you, always. Ask Kenji to administer this: {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jess}}}}}}}}}}}}}} and then you can administer this: {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kenji}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} ❤

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  6. Wow! This is so very transparent Jess, which is so very difficult for most of us to actually be. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. Change, no matter your personality, is hard but when it is thrown on you like a ton of bricks, it can make one crumble. However, you have not crumbled at all. You’ve handled it all with grace…you may have cancer but just like you said… NOT FOR LONG!!! Love you so much!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You are a big piece of my heart, best friend. And I am proud of you in sunshine and in rain. Your strength, strengthens us all.

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  8. You are so strong and positive Jess! Keep on keeping on the fight. You will prevail the winner. An honor to be your friend!!! FU Cancer. Ya gonna loose
    Cheers

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I am so in awe of you. Just when I think I know you, you surprise me and I love you more.

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  10. Your self awareness and sheer honest expressions are as beautiful as you are Jessica!

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  11. (wiping away tears) You got me again! Dang you! I love how you express yourself and self reflect and share with all of us. You’re so loved by everyone that encounters you’re awesomeness! Keep fighting. Soon this will be a distant memory, a blip, in your life. XOXO!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. You gave me the chills and brought me totears. Yay positivity!

    Liked by 1 person

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