Isn’t it remarkable how a simple test result can pivot your entire mood?
I mean, certainly, waiting for a CT result is by no means simple, but hearing the words “no evidence of disease” changes, well, everything.
I didn’t realize how much anxiety I was carrying. I knew I was on edge, but it wasn’t apparent just HOW MUCH I was worried. It feels like an enormous weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That feeling is fleeting, because there’s always another test coming, but right now I’m basking in the glory of the results. A moment in the sunshine until the work continues.
Guess this means I’ll be sticking to keto a little longer…
Speaking of which: I reached a breaking point last week with keto.
Actually, let me back up.
I reached a breaking point in life about a month ago, when we were preparing for a house swap with Kenji’s parents. We renovated our condo with a new master bathroom and painted the entire house. All within a a few weeks of the move. If that wasn’t enough to get on with, our kitchen sink overflowed with gray water from our upstairs neighbor’s plumbing “fix” and we had to rip out and replace our flooring while in the midst of the other renovations.
And thus, brought on so. many. panic attacks.
Those close to me know I have a hard time asking for help or delegating (#becausecontrol; something I’m working on in 2018), so I acknowledge that much of my stress was self-made.
I told myself that once we got past the move, I’d be fine.
We immediately started kitchen renovations at our new place.
And were woefully unprepared for what having no kitchen (namely, the sink) meant.
Which brings me back to my original statement. Last week, I was angry at the work it takes to stick with keto. I even started telling myself that if the CT scan didn’t show any difference, I was going to blow up this diet idea and eat all the goddamn ice cream I could get my hands on.
If it hadn’t been for my incredible mother-in-law — who has been feeding us each night — I might have gone off the keto rails.
The truth is, it’s not about keto. Well, not entirely. It’s really about allowing a hundred little tiny annoyances pile up, instead of just letting that shit go. Instead, every new small annoyance turned into an immediate rage maker. (IKEA file cabinet, I’m looking at you.)
Keto has been a source of stress since the beginning. So, OF COURSE adding other stressors is going to make things worse. I mean, DUH.
We’re still another week away before we have a functioning kitchen. And as I was planning my week, which typically includes a meal plan, I couldn’t continue with “fuck it” as the answer to our food needs.
Which is how a trip to Trader Joe’s saved my sanity. We made a haul out of their frozen foods and refrigerated goodies. (Pork belly, rack of lamb, scallops & mushroom, creme fraîche, paté, chunks of coconut…)
I guess the whole point of this story is simply to remember that you can ask for help. One of the biggest reasons I often don’t is because I feel like I’m being a burden. But my people love me (and your people love you) and they want to help, more often than not.
Another lesson in all of this is to recognize the source of stress, and if you can do something about it, change it. And if you can’t, change your attitude.
No kitchen = no sink = doing dishes SUCKS = find easy-to-prepare foods. Instead of just saying “We’ll figure it out” and being mad when that doesn’t work out so well.
Also, the kitchen is starting to look like a kitchen! So that makes me happy.
Sidebar: I’d like to add, that I know this is SO #firstworldproblems. I’m lucky and grateful for these problems. But sometimes, we need to vent and self-reflect.